One Week Since You Looked at Me

So, it has been a whole week since I left Seattle for the southern comfort of Loganville, GA.

It has been amazing here.

When they cut her open last Tuesday, they found that it wasn't a tumor that was wrapped around an artery under her jawbone, but it was a lymphnode, meaning that the cancer hadn't spread, meaning that they wouldn't have to remove the left side of her jaw and teeth. They removed the node, removed the tumor from her tongue, took muscle and fat from her lower arm and restructured her tongue with it. They then took a skin graft from her thigh to cover the opening they made in her arm. They did have to remove a lot of mechanisms for swallowing, so that is something she will need to focus on in therapy.

My Aunt got out of ICU the day after my arrival. She was talking the following day. They thought that would take at least a month. She got out of the hospital on Tuesday, only one week after her surgery.

It takes a lot for her to talk, but she is capable of a conversation, and she is walking around. It is such a miracle to see how well she is doing. A countless amount of people have been praying for her in the name of Jesus and boy has he shown off his skills as the great physician.

Not only has he been healing physically, but I see evidence of God calling her to spiritual healing in him. My mom and I visited the Oasis Church right up the street last Sunday, where we met two gals, one of which is a registered nurse and the other visits the hopitalized and sick with her husband to offer prayer and comfort. What a blessing! They haven't met Aunt Lisa yet, but I hope they will in the next day or so. On Monday, we recieved a book in the mail by John Piper, it was about seeking Jesus and it was from her UPS delivery man, saying how he has been praying for her and that God is bigger than this cancer. WHAT?! HUH?!

I couldn't believe that even the delivery people have been lifting her up in prayer. It has been amazing to see God go before me and prepare the way for his Word. I'm hoping we can all go together to church on Sunday.

My Aunt's boyfriend, Ray, has also been an extreme blessing. It is amazing to see how he just loves and loves on her. He continually says how much he adores her and that he loves taking care of her. He often reminds her of how beautiful she is and I see her light up when he is around. The joy the bring to one another and to me is refreshing.

They also have four big dogs here. Matey, Zoe, Daisy and Goose. They are fun to be around, each one has a very distinct personality. I can tell that at least two of them are concerned for their mom (Aunt Lisa). They are a comfort to her, so I appreciate that.

I can't believe it has only been a week, but I am excited for what is in store. We are having our first nurse visit to the home tomorrow. My Aunt's post op appt is next Friday. They will be removing the staples from her neck and maybe her arm. Pray for rest for my Aunt. She is struggling with the idea of not contributing to her care. She wants to feed herself, clean, and do other things that she should be letting us do. She just had a crazy big surgery, even though her recovery is going well, she still needs to rest and relax. I appreciate the continued prayers for me and my family. God is at work!

Preparations

I knew I forgot something!

I must admit that I didn't think Georgia is where I would be spending the majority of December. But, as always, God has these plans that seem to unravel before my eyes, before I even know what's up. 

This started when I was at mom's for Thanksgiving and we were talking about my Aunt's upcoming surgery. She has a tumor in her neck, that has been giving her a lot of pain. It seems like a big surgery. In fact, if the surgeons slip up and cut a nerve, my Aunt could lose the ability of her tongue. Which means losing the ability to talk and more importantly to eat. "How awful," I said. "I wish I could go down there and help her out." 

Ah-ha. A lightbulb went on for my mom. She could get me a buddy pass from her friend who is a flight attendant and I could go down and help with caring for the pets, house, cooking, etc. while my Aunt recovered. 

All at once life was going to change. I have to quit the job I just started 2 weeks prior. Get coverage in kids' ministry while I am away. Write my paper for Re:train. Clean my room. Pack my bags. and go. 

My last day of work was Friday, my friends and co-leaders in kids' ministry were gracious in taking over while I'm away. Just turned my paper in. Tomorrow, I will clean and pack. Tuesday will be my last night of Community Group before I go. 

Although I didn't get to see the entire sermon today. The parts I caught, about being adopted into God's family and being set free from the generational sin of our fathers, really impacted me. Even though I will only be gone a few weeks, I will miss my family in Christ. In the last three years of my walk with Christ, my life has changed so much. My friends, my rituals, likes and dislikes. I really do love growing up in salvation! 

Even though there will be distance between me and my Mars Hill family. I am excited to meet brothers and sisters in the South. I am also excited to get to reconnect with my Aunt and her boyfriend, who I have known since I was 5. 

There is definitely a lot to look forward to as I step into the unknown. I definitely don't feel strong in my knowledge, but I trust that God will make much of himself in my weakness. I pray he will show off while I am there. I pray for the surgeons hands, and for the greatest physician, Jesus to heal my Aunt physically, emotionally and spiritually. Please join me in prayer. 

xoxo

To My Fellow Singles

This was from a few months ago, but I forgot to post it...

So, I just went to the first teaching in The Truth About... series which was all about: DATING. Big word for the majority of singles, especially within the context of a church like Mars Hill. My main reason for attending was to gain some wisdom in what biblical dating looks like. Many of the married couples that I am in community with are the first to admit that their dating life was much less biblical than desired, they tend to be more of a caution against rather than an encouragement for.

When I arrived at Mars Hill Downtown, I assumed that I wouldn't know anyone that would be there, so I thought it would be easy to walk-in and duck out afterward. However, God had a better plan and there ended up being almost 10 people that I knew from Mars Hill West Seattle. As we got settled in, we conversed about our hopes and expectations. Curious and expectant as I was, I also was also skeptical. I was skeptical of the "social hangout" that I thought was just a nicer way to put 'meat-market mingle'. You see, they had divided the time into 2 hrs of teaching and 3hrs of socializing at Urban Enoteca. I was excited to get some gospel teaching but planned on skipping the single mingle. We then turned our attention to Pastor Tim who walked on the stage and began to pray for the day and the teaching.

The first speaker was a co-founder of a very popular online dating site and a professor at SPU. I didn't respond well to his teaching as it didn't seem gospel-centered. He seemed to be approaching dating from a cultural and psychological perspective, that intermittently included God.

The questions I was left with at the end of his time were...

• If you make a list of deal breakers and makers, aren't you making yourself God?

and

• How can we be true to ourselves when we are told in Proverbs to guard our hearts? Shouldn't we only be true to Godly convictions?

Thankfully Pastor Tim came out and tied up those ends for us. He started with Jesus saying that there is no way to knowing what true love and life are without knowing who Christ is. He then laid out 4 options that everyone has, which could result in marriage.

1. Pre-arranged marriage
2. Courting
3. Christian dating
4. Non-Christian dating

The fourth option is not an option for a Christian in light of 2 Corinthians 6:14. 

"God has a better plan than what culture promises."

Culture promises brokenness, God promises restoration. Culture promises slavery, God promises freedom through Christ. Culture promises shame, God promises redemption. Culture promises sin, God promises a Saviour in Jesus. Working in a tequila bar certainly shows me on a ground level what the shallow promises of culture are and their extreme contrast to what the promises of God are.

He then encouraged us to consider 11 Principles of Christian Dating.

1. Maximize singleness for God: Use the time God has gifted you with singleness to serve diligently.
2. Plan for marriage when you are in a place to be married: Do you have a vision for your life? How is God calling you to be on mission? Are you able to support a family? 
3. Be reasonable with your expectations: It is good to consider what you would like in a spouse, but don't put your preferences above God and what he has for you. 
4. A date is NOT dating: One date, doesn't mean you need to be planning your wedding. Prayerfully consider how God is challenging you to guard your heart and the heart of that person while getting to know them as a brother or sister in Christ. 
5. Men - have courage: Don't be afraid of rejection. If she's not interested at least you aren't left wondering "what if..."
6. Do not date a non-Christian: God warns Christians to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Dating someone to evangelize them is no good for you or for them.
7. Date someone with similar convictions: If you love kids and the person you are dating has no interest in having any, you may not be suited for each other.
8. Date one person at a time: Marriage involves intentionality. God calls us to so much more than treating dating like shoe shopping.
9. Look who God has put in front of you: If you are on mission for Jesus. Look who is around you on that same mission. God may be calling you to deepen that relationship.
10. Internet dating is okay: Internet is a gift from God. Although it can be used sinfully, God can work through internet dating as he can through anything else.
11. Guard your heart as well as theirs: Our hearts are not to be trusted. Look to God and be deep in prayer for yourself and your date, that you would both be godly in your thoughts and interaction about and with each other.

He closed with this great advice that a leader had once told him pertaining to finding your spouse.

"Run HARD and FAST to JESUS then look around and see whose with you."

Dating and marriage is not about finding the right person that God has for you. It is about knowing, trusting in and living out God's better plan for your life.  Dating and marriage may just be a part of that whole. We can't compartmentalize our lives to be, "well this is when we were dating, and this was us after we got married..." If we do that, we cheapen the vast amazement of God's invaluable story.

I am encouraged to know that dating and marriage is out of my hands, that I don't need to be legalistic, but I just need to trust God and evaluate my choices to decide what is glorifying to him and what is an attempt to glorify myself.

The Battle Rages On

It is so hard to be faithful...

Oftentimes I feel tugged by a force. A force from my heart that asks me to feed the animal inside of me.

But there is another force. A force of love and light that comes from something else. Something foreign. Something that the animal tries to devour.

But the animal, though it thinks and looks like a dragon, it is really a tiny spider. A tiny spider that spins it's webs in my heart, looking to trap my thoughts, motives, prayers, actions, faith, love and whatever else it can.

The spider is weak.

It gets fed enough to survive off its host.

The light is as strong as a lion but as gentle as a lamb. It gives me courage and simultaneously gives me comfort. I love the light.

It's hard to explain, but as much as the spider destroys me, I love the spider. I love the spider because it makes me promises. The spider whispers sweet nothings to me. It convinces me that there is life away from the light and at times I follow the spider.

The path the spider takes me on is very wide and there are many friendly faces there. This path gives me pleasure.

But it only leads to darkness.

The pleasure turns quickly to pain as I begin to feel my airways close. The darkness surrounds me. There is no escape.

But the light, I see the light. Like a doorway cracked open to a dark room.

The light shines on another path. One whose narrowness makes it hard to see.

The light has come to rescue. To remind me that the darkness won't satisfy. The light draws me closer. I feel warmth, where coldness existed. I feel wholeness, where emptiness was present.

I open the door. I am overwhelmed by grace.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. - 1 Cor 10: 13

If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself. - 2 Tim 2: 11-13

5 Lessons I Learned in Portland

Lesson #1: You can approach strangers and have engaging meaningful conversations on a moments notice.


Lesson #2: Voodoo Doughnuts on Davis St. still has a ginormous line. 


Lesson #2 1/2: Bacon Maple Ale is nowhere near as good as the doughnut. It's actually kinda gross.


Lesson #3: The bus drivers in Portland are so chill, they don't even care what your transfer says.


Lesson #4: People make amazing things out of nothing.


Lesson #5: Food carts are not sketchy, their delicious.

5 Gospel Truths I Learned on my April Trip to Portland

I greet you from car 8, seat 28, on Amtrak Cascade train 506, heading towards Seattle, WA after a three day trip in Portland, OR.


Looking back to last Thursday, I remember feeling overwhelmed. Why would I plan a vacation the week before Easter Sunday? That was stupid. Easter, the biggest event of the year for churches.


Now, however, I am more aware than ever, that Easter is not an event and although it is the greatest of all reasons to celebrate, my presence makes no difference on Easters "success". God has already made Easter a success, hence the reason we celebrate, through Jesus. Not Sydney.


I had to let that uneasiness go as God opened my eyes to new relationships and opportunities to make much of him and less of myself this weekend.


Lesson #1: God doesn't NEED us to achieve his plans and purposes. However, he does USE us to achieve his plans and purposes.

He made that clear from the start, as I missed my 7:30am train and had to wait till the 9:40am train. Once boarded, I met a Japanese exchange student, named Rina. We had both missed the earlier train and now found ourselves side-by-side. I soon found out that because she had missed the train, it also made her miss her bus home from Portland. She said that she was planning on shopping until the next bus would arrive. I told her that wouldn't do, and that she should hang out with Hannah and I until her bus came. 

She proceeded to come with us to Mars Hill Portland, or "The Castle" as it's called, and I showed Hannah some of the Mars Hill Kids stuff, including the Psalm 136: 2-4 music video from the Rizers. Afterwards, Rina asked Hannah about Easter and Hannah proceeded to lay out the gospel to her. It was such a blessing to witness. We took Rina to her bus and she txted me that night to let me know she was safe. I woke up the next morning to see that Mars Hill had posted THIS the day that I had met Rina. Tears, of course, followed. 

On Saturday, I decided to go on an adventure. 

I caught a bus and made my way to Lardo, a food truck on SE Belmont. Upon my arrival to my destination. My mouth started watering as my eyes perused the menu, especially the infamous Porchetta sandwich. To my right a young bearded man with glasses, and who was topped with a hat, met my eyes. He introduced himself as Duke and we proceeded to have a joyful conversation about church, Jesus, writing and food. I found out that he worked at Starbucks and went to a church called Door of Hope. As well as Jesus, Duke has a passion for writing. He's been published in a bunch of of the wall magazines and papers. 


As we sat to eat our pork fat we met a gentleman next to us named, Frank. He asked us if we were local because he was surprised that Duke prayed over our food. Frank was interested in checking out Mars Hill Portland and had some strange connection to Duke's hometown. In short, God joins his people in random ways. 


Lesson #2: Life is not random. God is in complete control. He builds relationships, community and his kingdom out of misfits. 

It was difficult to enjoy my time, thinking about how stressful this season of life is for Fred and Dana. With Dana's mom nearing death and Fred going to AZ to support her. I felt selfish going on vacation. But through Dana's struggles with caring for her mom, it forced me to look at my relationships with my family. 

Many times I have chosen work over people, making claims that my work was for Christ so it is of the most importance. However, God challenged me this weekend with the stark fact that life is a gift and so is time. It is not something that we can claim entitlement to. Time is not in our control, no matter how many plans and spreadsheets are made, ultimately it is owned by God alone. I can't imagine losing Mom or Dad, but there is always a what if. 

Not that we should live in fear of the unknown, God often calls us to action, but rather, that we should cherish the time God gives and desire to build relationships with those he has given us the ability to do so with. 

Lesson #3: Cherish the relationships and time that God has given you on this Earth.


Hannah and Ryan are housing an intern Kiel. It was a joy to get to know him and we got to chat while I made dinner on Saturday night. We shared our testimonies including our past regrets but also talking about God's redemption of it all. It really challenged me to remember that God is so much bigger than my sin and the Cross overshadows all of it. 


Lesson #4: We are not defined by our past. We are defined by Jesus. 

It was such a blessing to hear how Mars Hill Portland is growing and how much the congregants have stepped up to help the church with all of their miscellaneous needs. I loved talking with Hannah about the extreme grace she has witnessed and how much prayer has become an integral part of her life. Hannah has always had an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit, a big part of the reason I have continued to look to her for guidance.  She continued to remind me that God has done a continual work in the city and that it is when she relies on herself to do mission, when that mission begins to fail. 

Lesson #5: Prayer is powerful. We must be utterly dependent on God and not ourselves.

As I reflect, I am thanking God for this time to be refreshed in community and grace. He truly does renew our faith daily. Sometimes it takes the air of a new place and the company of old friends to see that truth. I can't wait for my next visit to PDX, it truly feels like home. 

My Testimony

I figure that the best place to start a blog about the grace of God is with my testimony...

I didn't come to have faith in Christ until I was 19yrs old.

Something that I appreciate about my parents is that they didn't push their beliefs on me. My mother enjoyed the foundations of the Buddhist faith, but didn't practice it and my father was purely Agnostic. My step-mom however was very "spiritual". At the time, I also thought she was very evil. She encouraged my father to start taking us to church. I was in our church youth group during 8th and 9th grade and it was fun. I made friends, but that was the extent of it.

I moved back in with my mom my sophomore year of high school, where, like my father, I soon became Agnostic. I had a sense that God existed and that there was a realm beyond my own understanding, one that I thought I may never know. I lived the typical high-school life and I thought I was a "good" person. My identity was in being "good". My life looked better than a lot of others I knew and that was enough for me.

When I was 17, I noticed that I was getting a lot of attention from guys. Before graduation, I broke up with my boyfriend and when summer started, that's when things got crazy. I was 18, single, promiscuous and "free", or so I thought. I became obsessed with partying, I would go out clubbing every chance I could get. I posted trashy pictures of myself on facebook, to give everyone the idea that I was more than just a "good" girl, I could be bad too.

Even at work, I was a tease and a flirt. It fed me moment to moment, to know that I was attractive and desirable. I didn't desire sex, but I knew how to use my language and gestures as a lure, whether or not I followed through. But I was never filled, I always sought out more men to want me. That all changed with my biggest challenge yet, my manager.

At the end of the Summer in 2007, I had a conversation with my manager, which ended with me convincing him to take me on a date. I remember feeling elated at the possibility of tasting the forbidden fruit of a manager/employee affair. However, my plans changed when we went out and I actually fell for him.

He claimed to be a Christian. His faith didn't seem to get in the way, so I accepted it and was even intrigued by it. We started dating and moved into an apartment in West Seattle in the Summer of 2008. It wasn’t until that Fall that the topic of going to church arose. His family members were mostly Christian and even though they loved me, they did not approve of us living together. We visited their church in October. I broke down. I couldn’t explain why I felt so uncomfortable. But I just wanted to leave.

After that experience I did not want to go back, but my boyfriend urged me to consider another church. A church that was different. That church was Mars Hill Church. We went to Mars Hill in November and right off the bat I knew that something clicked. Pastor Mark spoke in a way that I had never heard the gospel preached. It was during the Peasant Princess series and I remember thinking that a church should not be talking about sex, but I liked it. I don’t remember the moment that I believed, but I remember that God began to change my heart and desires to be for Christ. In January of 2009 my boyfriend and I stopped sleeping together, I was baptized on Easter and in August I moved out. We continued to date and we joined a Community Group in December.

By January of 2010, I was done. I had grown bitter and resentful towards my boyfriend for not leading me well like the Christian I thought he “should have” been. I was reading Exodus 32: the Golden Calf and God told me that I was worshiping my boyfriend as an idol. I was holding onto a broken relationship because I thought it was better than being alone. I broke up with him and continued to get deeper in community. God showed me that I wasn’t alone. My CG was such a big support to me during this time. They really helped me to grow, to see where my idols were, and to lead me to repentance.

I began to serve on the Front Desk team during mid-week and serving in Kids’ Ministry on Sundays. In Spring of 2010, I started Redemption Group and at the Redemption Celebration I was absolutely broken over my sin. Something that up till that point I had never really felt. It was so freeing to know that I was released from the shame and condemnation of my past. That Christ loved me enough to take my penalty.

In the Summer of 2010 I moved in across the street from my CG leader and his wife. It was a great season of community. Mars Hill Church was going to plant a church in Portland and I was dedicated to going and helping with the plant. But in January of 2011, I lost my job and I didn’t know what I would do. A couple that I babysat for a few times offered for me to stay with them for free until I would go to Portland. What a blessing! I moved in with this great family, but when September came around, I was having issues getting into the school in Portland. It was suggested to me that I consider doing the internship at Mars Hill West Seattle. I fought that idea. I thought for sure that my plan was better, but God had a better plan. He told me that I should do the internship, so I signed up.

The internship has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. My faith is tested daily. But God has been so faithful despite my faithlessness. He is teaching me so much and I just desire to see my life used to proclaim who he is and his glory.