The Battle Rages On

It is so hard to be faithful...

Oftentimes I feel tugged by a force. A force from my heart that asks me to feed the animal inside of me.

But there is another force. A force of love and light that comes from something else. Something foreign. Something that the animal tries to devour.

But the animal, though it thinks and looks like a dragon, it is really a tiny spider. A tiny spider that spins it's webs in my heart, looking to trap my thoughts, motives, prayers, actions, faith, love and whatever else it can.

The spider is weak.

It gets fed enough to survive off its host.

The light is as strong as a lion but as gentle as a lamb. It gives me courage and simultaneously gives me comfort. I love the light.

It's hard to explain, but as much as the spider destroys me, I love the spider. I love the spider because it makes me promises. The spider whispers sweet nothings to me. It convinces me that there is life away from the light and at times I follow the spider.

The path the spider takes me on is very wide and there are many friendly faces there. This path gives me pleasure.

But it only leads to darkness.

The pleasure turns quickly to pain as I begin to feel my airways close. The darkness surrounds me. There is no escape.

But the light, I see the light. Like a doorway cracked open to a dark room.

The light shines on another path. One whose narrowness makes it hard to see.

The light has come to rescue. To remind me that the darkness won't satisfy. The light draws me closer. I feel warmth, where coldness existed. I feel wholeness, where emptiness was present.

I open the door. I am overwhelmed by grace.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. - 1 Cor 10: 13

If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself. - 2 Tim 2: 11-13