To My Fellow Singles

This was from a few months ago, but I forgot to post it...

So, I just went to the first teaching in The Truth About... series which was all about: DATING. Big word for the majority of singles, especially within the context of a church like Mars Hill. My main reason for attending was to gain some wisdom in what biblical dating looks like. Many of the married couples that I am in community with are the first to admit that their dating life was much less biblical than desired, they tend to be more of a caution against rather than an encouragement for.

When I arrived at Mars Hill Downtown, I assumed that I wouldn't know anyone that would be there, so I thought it would be easy to walk-in and duck out afterward. However, God had a better plan and there ended up being almost 10 people that I knew from Mars Hill West Seattle. As we got settled in, we conversed about our hopes and expectations. Curious and expectant as I was, I also was also skeptical. I was skeptical of the "social hangout" that I thought was just a nicer way to put 'meat-market mingle'. You see, they had divided the time into 2 hrs of teaching and 3hrs of socializing at Urban Enoteca. I was excited to get some gospel teaching but planned on skipping the single mingle. We then turned our attention to Pastor Tim who walked on the stage and began to pray for the day and the teaching.

The first speaker was a co-founder of a very popular online dating site and a professor at SPU. I didn't respond well to his teaching as it didn't seem gospel-centered. He seemed to be approaching dating from a cultural and psychological perspective, that intermittently included God.

The questions I was left with at the end of his time were...

• If you make a list of deal breakers and makers, aren't you making yourself God?

and

• How can we be true to ourselves when we are told in Proverbs to guard our hearts? Shouldn't we only be true to Godly convictions?

Thankfully Pastor Tim came out and tied up those ends for us. He started with Jesus saying that there is no way to knowing what true love and life are without knowing who Christ is. He then laid out 4 options that everyone has, which could result in marriage.

1. Pre-arranged marriage
2. Courting
3. Christian dating
4. Non-Christian dating

The fourth option is not an option for a Christian in light of 2 Corinthians 6:14. 

"God has a better plan than what culture promises."

Culture promises brokenness, God promises restoration. Culture promises slavery, God promises freedom through Christ. Culture promises shame, God promises redemption. Culture promises sin, God promises a Saviour in Jesus. Working in a tequila bar certainly shows me on a ground level what the shallow promises of culture are and their extreme contrast to what the promises of God are.

He then encouraged us to consider 11 Principles of Christian Dating.

1. Maximize singleness for God: Use the time God has gifted you with singleness to serve diligently.
2. Plan for marriage when you are in a place to be married: Do you have a vision for your life? How is God calling you to be on mission? Are you able to support a family? 
3. Be reasonable with your expectations: It is good to consider what you would like in a spouse, but don't put your preferences above God and what he has for you. 
4. A date is NOT dating: One date, doesn't mean you need to be planning your wedding. Prayerfully consider how God is challenging you to guard your heart and the heart of that person while getting to know them as a brother or sister in Christ. 
5. Men - have courage: Don't be afraid of rejection. If she's not interested at least you aren't left wondering "what if..."
6. Do not date a non-Christian: God warns Christians to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Dating someone to evangelize them is no good for you or for them.
7. Date someone with similar convictions: If you love kids and the person you are dating has no interest in having any, you may not be suited for each other.
8. Date one person at a time: Marriage involves intentionality. God calls us to so much more than treating dating like shoe shopping.
9. Look who God has put in front of you: If you are on mission for Jesus. Look who is around you on that same mission. God may be calling you to deepen that relationship.
10. Internet dating is okay: Internet is a gift from God. Although it can be used sinfully, God can work through internet dating as he can through anything else.
11. Guard your heart as well as theirs: Our hearts are not to be trusted. Look to God and be deep in prayer for yourself and your date, that you would both be godly in your thoughts and interaction about and with each other.

He closed with this great advice that a leader had once told him pertaining to finding your spouse.

"Run HARD and FAST to JESUS then look around and see whose with you."

Dating and marriage is not about finding the right person that God has for you. It is about knowing, trusting in and living out God's better plan for your life.  Dating and marriage may just be a part of that whole. We can't compartmentalize our lives to be, "well this is when we were dating, and this was us after we got married..." If we do that, we cheapen the vast amazement of God's invaluable story.

I am encouraged to know that dating and marriage is out of my hands, that I don't need to be legalistic, but I just need to trust God and evaluate my choices to decide what is glorifying to him and what is an attempt to glorify myself.